MEET THE CUBS: They're Actually Bad Now | Disciples of Uecker

Disciples of Uecker

We'd like to go to the Playoffs, that would be cool.

MLB: Chicago Cubs at Milwaukee Brewers

Probable Pitchers

Friday: Jimmy Nelson (3.39 ERA, 5.16 DRA, 108 cFIP, 6.6 K/9) v. Jason Hammel (3.34 ERA, 4.35 DRA, 106 cFIP, 7.6 K/9)

Jimmy Nelson had a strong outing in his first start of the second half, dominating the Reds with seven shutout innings in a 9-1 win. Nelson struggled June and July leading into the All Star break, posting a 5.14 ERA and averaging just five innings per start with a 17:20 K:BB ratio. Hammel, who was among the league leaders in ERA through the season’s first two months, saw his numbers balloon after a fout inning, 10-run debacle to kick off July against the Mets. He calls himself @HammelTime39 on Twitter, which he definitely should not do.

Saturday: Zach Davies (3.79 ERA, 3.60 DRA, 95 cFIP, 7.4 K/9) v. John Lackey (3.75 ERA, 3.61 DRA, 99 cFIP, 9.2 K/9)

John Lackey, who was making about $12 last season because of a quirky team vesting option, is earning his roughly 3000% increase in pay this season, owning the 3rd-lowest DRA on a team that does not lack for starting pitching talent and trailing Jake Arrieta by a single strikeout for the team lead (a title he’ll almost certainly claim, at least temporarily, on Saturday). Davies, who has not yet provided evidence that he is not actually three children stacked on top of each other, shutdown the Reds on Sunday, scattering four hits over seven scoreless innings in a game the Brewers still lost by somehow failing to score against the worst pitching staff in the league.

Sunday: Junior Guerra (3.06 ERA, 3.49 ERA, 93 cFIP, 7.9 K/9) v. Jon Lester (2.89 ERA, 3.63 DRA, 93 cFIP, 8.4 K/9)

The Brewers won a scheduling coup for this one, getting a high-profile ace match-up on Sunday afternoon against their closest rivals — while still avoiding the Cubs’ actual ace. Guerra stumbled out of the gate his last time out against Pittsburgh, spotting the Pirates two runs in the first but he recovered to shut them down the rest of the way, surrendering just a walk and a strikeout the rest of the way in a six-inning outing.

Series History

2016: 2-3
All-Time: 146-151 (77-73 in Milwaukee)

Milwaukee Broadcast Information

Friday: 7:10 PM on FS Wisconsin and 620 WTMJ
Saturday:
6:10 PM on FS Wisconsin and 620 WTMJ
Sunday:
1:10 PM on FS Wisconsin and 620 WTMJ

Are the Cubs good?

Not anymore, ya bozos! Ha ha! Since the completely arbitrary endpoint of June 20, the Cubs are 10-16, which proves that the team with a seven game lead in the NL Central is actually bad. That includes a one-game sweep at the hands of the lowly Braves in an 11-inning affair on July 7 to make up a rain out from April. Swept by the Braves?! Sad!! Obviously, we know for sure that the Cubs will likely be sellers at the deadline now that they have been exposed as phonies who are actually terrible. I would guess that Dexter Fowler, Lester and Lackey will almost certainly be on the move. Shocking that Chicago’s contention slammed shut so quickly, but here we are.

Which character from Gilmore Girls are the Cubs?

The Cubs are Logan because they have a lot of talent and loads of resources and things go pretty well most of the time, but sometimes they get real self-destructive with it. Also Logan and most of the Cubs are pretty good looking, and also I hope they succeed but only because it will make someone I hate way more (Jess/the Cardinals) sad.

 

What’s Twitter dot com got to say about the Cubs?

Damn, Rian. Just cutting right to the core and going in for the kill. Got a white-hot fire poker you want to shove into my eyeball? Maybe a reed you wanna hammer underneath my fingernails? Jeezy pete.

Hmm, no. Maybe these jokers haven’t been paying attention, but actually the Cubs are bad now.

Hammel, Lester and Lackey, bud. I know you couldn’t read this column before it existed but this is still some easy information to find out.
Can I hang out with Travis at the baseball game? 

Yeah, yeah. I’ll be torturing myself by being surrounded by 75% Cubs fans on Sunday at Miller Park.

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